What If
by Laurensmiles
Summary: Lyla Garrity can't stop contemplating how her life might have gone differently. Jason/Noah/Lyla One-Shot.


Lyla sat on the floor, leaning against the wall with her arms wide open. She smiled at the little boy wobbling towards her enthusiastically. She encouraged him brightly, "You got it Noah. Come right here to me!"

Somewhat tripping into her arms, Noah took the last solid step forward. He looked up at her with a startled expression and loudly announced, "Oops!" The little boy's eyes always got to her. Uncannily, they mirrored his father's own set. Besides the reddish tint to his strawberry blonde hair, Noah's entire face looked ridiculously similar to Jason's. It made it so easy to wonder if this was what their child would have looked like too, if things had went differently. Even after some time, she had grown to accept that a part of her would always love Jason Street.

With a huge smile plastered across his face, Jason encouraged his son, "That's okay, Noah! You're doing such a great job buddy!" Watching him out of the corner of her eye, Lyla observed his proud expression. She couldn't remember seeing Jason happier than when he watched Noah. Even during their happiest times, Jason never lit up like he did now. Noah grabbed onto her arms, pulling himself up against her, causing Jason to laugh. "Look at him. He adores you, Lyla. Really."

Lyla smiled, "You're giving me way too much credit. You just came over from Tim's after all. Let me guess. He bobbled poor little Noah around, probably already on his way to get him started with football." She drew her face closer to Noah's. "Is that right buddy? Did Uncle Tim tease you to pieces?" She jokingly asked as the Noah stared back at her with his beautiful wide eyes.

"Ah, Timmy did a little bit of the teasing but he's actually quite the natural with Noah. You know how he's really a big softie on the inside." Jason commented with a grin.

She envisioned Tim ruffling Noah's hair and talking to him like a grown-up. Chuckling, she agreed, "You know, Tim's really great with Stevie too. He spoils that kid rotten, you know? He really loves him to death." Trying to gauge his reaction, she glanced up at Jason. Lyla still felt a little awkward talking too much about Tim with Jason. They all had moved far past those times, but the complicated element of it all never completely dissipated. She knew Jason had forgiven her, but she never could completely forgive herself. It didn't bother her when they were all together as much as it did when they were alone again.

"I know. You should've heard him talk about that kid the other day. Timmy rambled on and on about him. Most ridiculous stories about how he's already proving to be one hundred percent Riggins, but happier and smarter. Timmy kept stressing how great of a dad Billy is too, teasing him and all but still saying that a lot." Jason glanced over at her, "That's important for him obviously. He told me that he didn't want that kid to be a screw-up like him and Billy. And I looked at him and told him that as much as he could make all the stupid decisions in the world, he wasn't a screw-up unless he decided to be one."

"Tim's his own worst enemy. I mean, obviously his family didn't help him or anything- but you know he's had a lot of chances to get out of the Riggins rut. I just think he's afraid. He doesn't know how to be any other way, so he reverts to his comfort zone a lot." After a lot of time together, Lyla understood Tim's cycle too well.

As she spoke, Noah had started walking from her arms towards his dad. Jason encouraged him goofily, "Come on, son. You got it." He pushed his chair forward to align himself with Noah's path. Noah stumbled forward in one of his best efforts of the day. Only stopping once he reached his dad, Noah grabbed onto Jason's legs. Lyla clapped excitedly causing Noah to let go of Jason's legs to clap as well. As soon as he did, he started to sway off balance. Jason saw it coming and leaned over quickly to clasp his arms around Noah's waist. He whisked Noah up onto his lap with ease as Noah clapped on with Lyla.

"Zoom, zoom!" Noah loudly requested once on his dad's lap.

"Zoom?" Lyla asked, happy to have moved on from the subject of Tim Riggins. Both happily and simultaneously wistfully, she watched Noah snuggle closer to his dad.

Once again, Jason laughed that wonderful deep laugh. "We play a game where I give him a little ride. I say stuff like vroom to make it kind of like a race car or something and he picked up on it." Jason looked down at Noah, pulling him up further on his lap. "Alright buddy, hold on tight, okay?" Noah squeezed his arms around Jason tightly. Jason wheeled forward a little bit before switching it up and going between backwards and forwards. He rocked back and forth here and there. Moving slowly, he kept his eyes on Noah, making sure that Noah kept holding on tightly. He made silly sound effects with each movement causing Noah to laugh the entire time.

Lyla watched them from the floor. Even as she genuinely smiled, she felt tears build up in the corner of her eyes. It didn't come solely from sadness. She loved seeing Jason so euphoric with his wonderful son. It astounded her how far he had come from the hopeless day in Mexico when he had jumped off the boat into the ocean. He deserved every bit of happiness that he now had found. And yet, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't sort of sad not to be a bigger part of it all. For the larger chunk of her life, she had been certain that she would end up with Jason someday. Even after the accident, she couldn't picture her life without him as her husband and the father of her children. Years ago, she mostly had accepted that they never would end up as she pictured but it still made her a little sad that it could never be in any form. Her life with Jason Street had always been somewhat of a fairytale. Even now, she still found it hard to really accept that the ending differed so much than she had imagined.

Jason looked at her just as she wiped some tears from her eye. He pushed forward to her. "Hey, hey. What's the matter?" Noah must've sensed the concern because rather than crying at the ride's end, he watched her quietly.

Feeling silly, she bit her lip. She could lie to most people and tell them that nothing was wrong. Jason wasn't most people though. He'd see right through her. He always did. "This was supposed to be us, Jason," she said quietly.

He reached his hand around Noah to touch her arm, "Lyla-" he started to say before she cut him off.

"It's okay." She half-smiled to emphasize her words, "Really, it's okay. I just think about it sometimes. Just what it would've been like, you know?" Expecting him to disagree, she looked away at the ground.

He smiled at her gently. "I know. I do too."

Sheepishly, she glanced back up at him, "Yeah?" She never thought Jason would wonder about what could've been between them anymore. He had found his perfect life. With Erin, he'd found a woman that he loved and who loved him in return. She didn't know the pre-accident Jason and didn't have to let go of any prior expectations. With Noah, he'd found everything he needed to feel complete again after his accident and much more. On the other side, Lyla hadn't truly found anything very permanent. She loved Tim, but knew that they ultimately wanted different futures. Pacing her way through college, she didn't quite have a career in mind. She changed her mind about staying away from Dillon for good every other day. Lyla lived in a world of indefinite "what ifs".

"Of course," Jason answered sincerely. He glanced down at Noah. A drowsy look had overcome his son's face, causing the little boy to lean back against Jason. Just like that, Noah had begun to fall asleep. Picking Noah up gently, Jason placed him onto the couch. He pulled the blanket over him and adjusted the pillow a bit. Lyla observed the scene silently with a tight-lipped smile. Noah looked so peaceful just like Jason always did when he slept.

Once he got Noah comfortable, Jason turned back towards her. "Sorry," he was whispering now for Noah's sake. He reached out to rub her arm a little in some attempt to comfort her. "Some things just don't work out the way you picture them, Lyla. It's all about letting go of how great our whole Texas Forever could've been, and making it happen in a different but equally great way. I'm happy. And you're going to be just as happy too."

She wanted to believe him but she wasn't so sure anymore. It scared her to live without some concrete plan. In high school, she had mapped out her entire life. Now, she had a mysterious empty page to fill up. She whispered back shyly, "I miss you all the time. I miss- I miss Tim all the time too. And you know, back then I hated that stupid Texas Forever stuff. And now I just wish I could just live on that stupid ranch with our three perfect kids, perfect marriage, and even Tim in the guest bedroom." She continued earnestly with tears once again forming in her eyes, "and you know, I didn't even care about the football or the NFL. I could care less if you decided to go be a stupid magician. I just wanted the damn happy family."

Jason didn't say anything at first. Instead, he just kept rubbing her arm a little. After a few seconds, he cracked a gentle smile. "You know, I never really considered a magic career. I really think I missed my calling- could've given Houdini a run for his money."

"Jason." After expecting a completely different response, Lyla couldn't help but laugh a bit. Slowly, she shook her head with a slight eye roll.

"Come on. You don't think I could've done it? Don't you worry. I would've picked you as my cut-in-half girl. It's really the star role right there. We'd have been a little tandem."

"You're ridiculous," she answered lightly.

"You're right. Maybe you're not really the cut-in-half girl type. You always were pretty squeamish." He looked away for a second. "Remember when I cut my finger at my house that first time you came over for dinner? I was trying to impress you with my cooking skills which were of course nonexistent. As soon as the blood started, you turned whiter than me. I almost had to save you from passing out right on the spot," he teased.

She remembered. She remembered all of it. "Come on! I wasn't that bad," she defended herself half-heartedly.

Jason shook his head, laughing as he disagreed, "Yes, you were. I can tell you one thing about your future. You're never going to be in the medical field, Garrity."

Her heart fluttered when he used her last name. When they were together, he called her Garrity all the time. At first he teased her with it, but eventually it became his name of choice for her. Her smile impulsively broadened. Like always, Jason Street still had a knack at transforming her mood. She shrugged, "I guess that's a start."

"All you need is a start, Lyla."

Thoughtfully, she responded, "Is this true... Mr. Street?" In the spirit of reminiscing, she figured why not pull out the fantasy once more. There was no harm now if they could accept it would never happen.

Shaking his head, he playfully chastised her, "Lyla Garrity." He paused, "You know I really might need some practice with these again if I actually get to be a big bad sports agent. I can only hope that ESPN will be begging me for comments."

She widened her eyes, repeating her words, "Is this true Mr. Street?"

He shook his head once more before he whispered the classic response from the game they played so much back then, "This is true."

She remembered it all and that included the next part of the silly exchange. It always concluded the same way with _"then you must kiss me." _In her dreams back then, her future always concluded the same way too with her as Mrs. Jason Street, with Jason walking, and with everything they ever wanted together. Yet, here they were as friends hanging out with Jason's 14 month year old son. Here they were both living outside the sphere of Texas. Barring miraculous scientific breakthroughs, Jason would never walk again. He'd never play that first NFL game or even go to Notre Dame. They'd never live on the ranch with Tim. They could have a variation of their Texas Forever, but only if she fully accepted that the plan was going to be distinctly different.

Lyla leaned forward, kissing Jason on the cheek. It wasn't the classic fake ESPN exchange anymore. They couldn't go back to it, but it didn't mean that a lot of unexpected good wouldn't happen. The only reminder necessary about how much unexpected good could come slept peacefully on the couch next to them. She squeezed his hand inside her own, "I love you. I want you to be happy. Always."

For a moment, he didn't say anything once again. She kept her hand gripped around his and her eyes focused into his own gaze. Slowly he questioned her with that ever familiar smile, "Is it true Ms. Garrity?"

There weren't many answers Lyla Garrity felt certain about anymore; however, she knew the answer right now. She was sure. She annunciated the words slowly, "This is true." And just like that, Lyla let go of Jason Street's hand.


End file.
